Why I Stopped Caring

A few years ago the only thing I cared about was how others perceived me.

Was I smart enough? Interesting enough? Is my job impressive? 

So many ridiculous questions flowed through my mind every time I met someone new. I just wanted to be the cool girl everybody liked and wanted everyone's approval. 

Not only did that make me unhappy but it shaped me into a person I didn’t even know.

Who Am I?

If I wasn't myself, who was I? Amongst my sadness, I pondered this question on a daily basis until the obvious smacked me in the face: 

I was living a life I had no idea how to lead, with everyone else’s expectations but my own.

I knew I had to make a change but the rate at which my sadness was transforming into depression, I was afraid.

Something had to happen fast but I couldn't fix the problem by staying in the same place - I had to look at everything from a different perspective.

So I said, 'fuck it,' climbed a mountain and tried to look at my life from a bird's eyes view.

What I Saw

With my eyes and heart finally open to new change, I stood at the top of the mountain with fear. 

I had no fucking idea what was I doing nor did I have the slightest idea of how to make the leap of faith into the unknown. 

That's when I thought of my friend Dee, a spinal surgeon who recently quit her job to be full time yoga teacher. She told me that she was tired of trying to live up to people's expectations - and most of all - tired of hiding her true self for the sake of a job that was making her miserable.

I thought, “holy shit, she’s a surgeon and she’s willing to give up her job that took her years of crazy studying and money - just so she can find happiness? She must be nuts.”

But Dee wasn’t nuts, she was brave enough to not give a fuck and follow her heart despite what everyone else thought including myself.

What I Did

With Dee in mind I took my metaphorical jump of the cliff. I was ready to stop giving a fuck and ready to live up to my full potential.

Scared shitless, I bought some depends, strapped them on and took life by the horns. 

A month later, I took my first solo trip ever to Central America and fell in love with the country, and my Self.

I practiced and discovered forgiveness in a way that forever changed my life.

Now almost three years later, I’m working with Under30Experiences with the coolest job ever and living outside my country getting paid to travel the world. 

As it turns out, the moment I stopped giving a fuck was the moment my whole life changed for the better and I finally became my Self.